Today’s hookup culture is different than it was at any other time in history. Physical intimacy is more readily available than it ever was before; however, many people think today’s hookup culture is confusing and messy. Gone are the days of throwing rocks at her window or leaving notes at his door. These days, it’s about quick, instinctual decisions which can happen at the swipe of a finger.
Many people know what they are instantly physically attracted to in others. Maybe a good smile makes you wet, or brown eyes make you tingly. Whatever you like, there’s a great chance that there is a sexy local who fits those physical parameters within the online community. In the online space, you can be picky. It seems harsh, but think about it like this: depending on how you look at it, the over saturation of media and stimulation in today’s culture has devolved overall patience for others, or it has caused the speed of our decisiveness to evolve. Either way, people like what they like and rarely take the time to invest in something they aren’t immediately attracted to. You don’t have to apologize for being on that wavelength. Instead, you should navigate finding a hookup in the same way. The pool of people is so large, you are bound to find several attractive people that turn you on
[Related: The Complete FuckBuddy Guide]
Presenting yourself truthfully
Knowing this, it makes sense to put your best foot forward when it comes to pictures and a bio. With pictures, keep in mind what you are looking for. If you want something hot with no mystery, present yourself as super sexy. If you want something slightly different, skip the ultra-raunchy photos and pick some that are sexy but also mysterious. Additionally, don’t photoshop your pictures, especially if you met on a hookup site. If a person meets you and you look nothing like your pictures, the vibe is going to be a bummer from the start. A filter is OK, but keep it simple and true to yourself.
Again, ask yourself what you are looking for. If you are someone that is turned on by personality, then you are going to have to get to know and court the other person. If you are just looking for sex, you can start with sex from the jump (without being nasty or cheesy). Regardless, start off the conversation with a confident compliment or open-ended question: You can try,“Your eyes in that photo really turn me on,” or, “What kind of fun did you get into over the weekend?”. Both are flirty without being overeager.
Comfortability and slight excited-nervousness are the magic ingredients to an amazing hookup. Start with relating to the other person by commenting and asking light-hearted questions that draw from their responses to you. For example, if someone replies to your opener with, “This week has been crazy, really need to de-stress,” you can respond with, “This week was really crazy for me too! What do you like to do to destress?” and if you are feeling it, you can add, “I know one thing that really helps me 😉 lol.” It’s sexy, but also personal and opens the window for the other person to be flirty back. Perhaps you’ll want to sweetly poke fun at the person by responding to one of their photos like, “Did you really wear that sexy outfit to Disney? Was Mickey Mouse able to keep it in his pants?”. Relate, stay smooth, and flirt. Think of the conversation as a proverbial wink.
Move the conversation
Once you’ve established that it’s on, move the conversation to social media or texting. It shows that you are moving off the app (at least briefly) because you’ve found what you are looking for, and it implies that you are ready to schedule a meetup.
It’s a good idea to meet up with someone in a public spot before moving to the bedroom for the first time. After the initial tester meetup, it can be all about the sheets if that is what you and your hookup buddy want.
Find somewhere to meet that is both private with a vibe. What do we mean? Find a jazzy bar that has some intimate booths, or a park with a nice bench under a tree. The buzz in the atmosphere will calm the nerves, and the privacy will allow you to get to know each other and be a bit physical. Don’t meet at a club or a fancy quiet restaurant. The former is way too loud, and the latter is way too serious for a hookup
When you first see each other, make a point to be warm. You are eventually going to be doing the dirty, so why not start off with a hug? If you project a friendly and outgoing vibe, you will receive it back to you. If the person is meeting you at a bar in your neck of the woods, walk them to the bar and offer to get the first round.
Also, and this is important, use this time to talk through your intentions and make sure you are both on the same page. Be clear if you aren’t looking for anything serious whatsoever, and ask them to be clear as well.
Hooking Up, The dos and don’ts
Once the initial meet up is out of the way, it’s time to get saucy. For this to work, and keep working, you need to be a great host or guest. To make this easy, we’ve come up with a list of the do’s and don’ts!
- Do inform your roommates that you are having a hookup come over.
- Do clean your house before inviting the person over.
- Do have some wine, cola, or water on tap (if you drink, a glass of wine may settle the nerves and amp the mood).
- Do have some movie ideas already in mind if you like to chill before you get down to it. Picking out a movie could be awkward without direction.
- Do be Kinky.
- Do articulate what you like.
- Don’t have high expectations.
- Don’t be late to showing up.
- Don’t be shy
- Don’t kick your partner out after the deed is done (Do let them know beforehand if a sleepover is or is not in the cards).
- Don’t leave without saying goodbye.
- Don’t overstay your welcome the next morning.
- Don’t get attached.
The aftermath for every hookup pair is going to be very different. The best rule of thumb is to play it cool. If you want to hang out again, definitely ask. If they shut you down, don’t take it personally at all. If they want to hang out, don’t be overeager. You’ll have to decide for yourself if your hookup buddy is someone you can casually text. Keep in mind that casual texting could lead to some feelings on either side, and you’ll have to be prepared to handle that (if it comes up). And, always be careful and considerate when sending a drunk text!
In short, be flirty, be considerate, have fun, and keep it light!